This list could take days to exhaust, as you know women can be a pretty fickle bunch. Nways, ever wondered why she is so mad at you and you have no clue?! In your eyes you have been nothing short of exemplary and she is getting bothered for no apparent reason.

Before you start placing blame on the usual suspect, PMS, labda you might want to take a step back and think about whether you did any of the following in the past couple of days:

Kuwa mpole pare pare

You’re in the mood, so you reach out and grab things- a boob here, a diab there, or any of the other general nether regions. Guys, believe me when I tell you that this is the biggest sin you can commit when trying to seduce a woman. It will not send her into an orgasmic swoon and have her eating out of your hand and begging for it like that Muturi fellow.

Neither will groping her in the kitchen while she is doing the dishes. These inept moves don’t get a woman all hot and bothered — it just upsets them. Try hugging or kissing. Hold and squeeze her hand. Do the dishes (or not). Women want to feel connected to their better halves—in ways that don’t always involve sex. You have to make a woman feel sexy and make her want to be sexual.

Don’t Treat her Like an X-Rated Porn Star

Just because you can pay to watch a chick with fake boobs and even faker sound effects lick some hairy, grunting guy doesn’t mean you can treat your chic like some cheap, naughty flick. Women crave seduction, they crave pleasure, they want sex to be, well… sexy, not like some shoe string budget third-rate porn production. I’m not saying you won’t get those kinda “surprise treats” every now and then, but you gotta work for them! You know what the largest sex organ is? All you perverts can type “porntherapy.com” on your browser now. The brain is the biggest sex organ…((shocker)) and most women have fantasies that would make your library collection of hard porn look like an episode of Teletubbies! Here is some friendly advice; the main reason why women aren’t really into porn is cauz almost all of it is created by men and for men, who don’t consider what really turns a woman on. Wanna know what does turn her on? Find out by putting her pleasure first for once, try that for a change.

Do Unto Others...

For all ye heathens who ducked Sunday School to join your alcoholic father and his friends at the bar on Sunday morning well what I am getting at is really simple. Give and you shall receive! Want hot sex? You have to provide a woman with the kind of sex she wants as well. Simply put, you’ve got to give as good as you get. Do I need to spell it out for you? If you want her to use her mouth, you might wanna use yours too! And if you do it first? All the better. Some women may be shy of a tongue near their lady area but I have never heard a woman complain about one being correctly stuck there.

Give her Space

It seems counterintuitive, but letting your partner have some time to herself can help her recharge. Offer to take something off her to do list for the day so she can meet a friend for coffee, read that book she’s been dying to sit down with, or relax in a bubble bath. This "time off" lets her wind down so that later she’ll be ready to heat up. I am sure that you are reading this becauz at one time you pissed of your woman- so you know first-hand that women do not forget. That works for the bad as it does for the good things you do. Do something nice and she feels like she is obligated, like she owes you, so she has to do something nice back.

Talk less, Listen more

I know, I know: Many of you would probably rather eat body parts than be forced to "communicate." But chill, it does not have to be a 12 hour Macbethian soliloquy of your inner most feelings. Spending 20 minutes connecting with your woman and listening to her talk can help her feel appreciated. Respond with full sentences; half-witted grunts are not acceptable and neither are vocabulary malfunctions like “mhhh”, “eeeh” and the patronizing “Yes dear.” Maintain eye contact when communicating, at least for 10 minutes if you will. If you can remember and repeat something she said 12 hours later, she’ll be impressed—and you’ll be one step closer to what you really want…hot sex.

“Muturi” That is the new word in town. If you have no idea what that is then clearly you live in a cave next to rebel leader Kony. This was a clip that appeared on Classis FM courtesy of Maina and King’angi and then Shaffie na Kalekye played it on Kiss.

This is so bad there is now a petition going round for Classic and Kiss FM to be regulated by the government! Listen in for yourself and let muchene know what you think. Of course since we do not want to be REGULATED ourselves, we will kindly ask you to fuata the link below:

The other day I am having a light drink with my pal and as we get to talking about our significant others she gives this sigh. Not a sigh of relief…that sigh that your chic gives you when something is wrong and when you uliza her nini mbaya she jibuz ati “nothing.” That sigh. So I oblige and ask, “nini mbaya kwani?” To my surprise, she gives little resistance and immediately starts giving me details of her proboz. I wish it always this easy.

Anyway, she ambiaz me that she feels like her dude does not feel her anymore. You know, the ol’ “he doesn’t give me attention anymore.” This is normal after being with the same person for a long time and I tell her as much, but she kataaz that vibe. She got to the real problem. She says her guy isn’t interested in her sexually anymore. She remembers days when her dude would look at her like she was edible! The bedroom theatrics are no more she says.

There is all this info about seducing women but the reverse is usually ignored. There’s some misconception that guys are always in the mood to have sex. So the topic of women seducing their men is hardly ever touched. Well, muchene is here for you. After all, women too have huge sexual desires so there must be ways for them to seduce their men in bed. If you want your man to make passionate love to you, you might want to include these bedroom tricks in your sexual repertoire:

Tie Up Your Man

Take control of your man and then tie him up to the bed post. Put a pillow under his head and make him lie in a position where he can see all your wild moves. Remember, men love being dominated and once you do this, you will certainly notice the increasing sexual desire in your man for you.

Get busy in the shower

Men would love to get soaked under shower. So why not to try it?! Lip locking under the shower would surely send a fire in both of your bodies. Take soap and sensually wash your man’s complete body and let him do this to you as well. This will leave you feeling fresh for the real pleasure to follow.

Wear Sexy Underwear

Ladies, no granny panties. Remember, if you won’t do it someone else will very willingly! Wear sexy underwear and walk around the house as your man angaliaz. If this does not get his blood chemkaing, you can conclude hapo hapo that he has become gay! Your man will love watching you in your one-piece outfit or if you want to go one better, you may wear nothing but a smile and walk suggestively in front of him. Guaranteed to end well!

Dirty Dancing

If you dance slowly and erotically, this will be the ultimate seduction for your man. So just enjoy it, this will feed your man’s huge sexual appetite and before you know it there will be some raunchy things going on in your bed.

Love the great outdoors

Mind you, foreplay should not be restricted to the bedroom only. Men prefer to have sex in different places and especially in the open. Continuous Lungula in the same place will make him bored as hell. Fanya your own Blankets and Wine for just the two of you and make love with your man under the stars and enjoy romance and sex together.

Sexy Talk

Men love to talk a bit naughty- that’s probably the biggest under-statement from muchene yet! Men love to talk dirty and enjoy even more when the woman talks dirty. There is something about you whispering something raunchy in his ear and he gets this picture in his head and it turns him on like never before. So please do whisper the things that you’d love to do with him in a naughty way in his ear. You can also go for sending him a sexy SMS….something along the lines of “A bed, my naked body…only thing missing is you…” Count the world record time he takes to get home to be with you!

I am not even going to ficha it- Men want to seduce women in order to take off their clothes and have sex with them. And the ideal situation would be to seduce them as quickly as possible. It's all about testosterone. Men prioritize according to their sexual needs and that's a fact.

So how can you get her in the sack bila chomaing too much cash? Well maybe you should be doing this more often and you will see the difference it makes in your bedroom:

Think like a woman

This is hard of course, but the idea is to start slowing things down. Women are really clever and sensitive and they sure know what men want. Be smart. Do not ask her to go to bed with you the first time you meet her. By slowing down the process of seducing a woman you are already ahead of most of your competitors.

Buy her a gift

All women are seduced by gifts even if they don't let it show. You don't have to buy an expensive gift. Buy her a book she’s always wanted to read, her favourite artist’s new album, a chocolate or something that you know she would like. The point is that you not only get points for being considerate and understanding and all that female jargon...but every time she’s reading her new book you are on her mind. This is a great way to anza seducing a chic.

Just anza talking to her

Make her laugh. Women just love to laugh, seriously. They really penda men with a quality sense of humour. But do not over do it. Don't talk so much about yourself or your accomplishments. Don't be selfish. Open your mind. You are not the only man in the world. This is critical. Stay focused on her thoughts and acts. Learn from her.

When you're talking to her, flirt heavily and introduce the topic of sex into your conversation. Also, don't be afraid to tease and have fun with her. The more relaxed she is in your presence, the easier it will be to seduce her.

Touch her suggestively

Be subtle but suggestive…remember when I said think like a chic…this is how she would do it if she was seducing you and strangely enough, it works on her as well. During your conversation, touch her when you want to make a point. In addition, initiate physical contact as much as you can without going overboard.

If you get to the point of touching her don't go for her pants straight away dadi. Be sensual and passionate. Most women love to be touched in various places like their necks and shoulders. Again, slow down the process. Make them wonder why you are so different from all other guys who just want to make a woman take her clothes off.

Move things to a private location

In order to seduce her, you have to be in a location where you can do the deed. Unless you like the idea of having sex in the middle of a crowded bar, you need to move things back to one of your places. Now in order to do this, she has to trust you!

So when you're flirting with her in your conversation, work on being trustworthy. Don't do or say anything off the wall. The more she trusts you, the easier it is to seduce her. If she knows you won't bite (unless she asks you to), then it'll be fairly easy to move things to a private spot.

It’s always ladies first

Stick to the good old "Ladies First" principle. This applies everywhere. Especially in the bedroom. Try your best to please her first. If you are stuck, ask her what would please her. If you give her the ultimate pleasure first you are a winner. You got her. She will beg you for more. And then she will do her best to give you pleasure. And we all know what that means.