For most guys there are two very simple rules that we faithfully abide by:

1. We should NEVER know what each other’s man parts looks like, and

2. NEVER share ANY detailed sexual information about your wife, fiancé, girlfriend or baby mother.

So the other day I meet with one of my pals from back in the day. And how time has changed him. Back then it was him in a strong committed relationship while the rest of us were still playing around. Now it seems that he threw away the relationship card and that has been replaced with the “Imma hoe” card. On sitting down to have a drink this guy was checking out everything in a skirt. Thank goodness the male Scottish dancers were not in the vicinity! Even the barmaids looked like potential take homes for him. What the hell changed??? Well, he told me, that after five years with his girlfriend, they had a period where they just got tired of each other and after numerous fights eventually decided to call it quits. He swore he would never WASTE another five years of his life.

That sounds reasonable. So he was merely recapturing parts of his life that his ex had taken from him – good for him. Anyway, we started to hit a few cold ones and as per kawa dudes always feel like opening up about stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with you when well imbibed with a few drinks. So, this guy starts telling me about this chic he met about two weeks ago and how he finally nailed her last week. Then he stares at me…I don’t know if he wanted a standing ovation from me ama???

Anywayz, they guy endeleaz, ati the lungula was on point and he wants to take it further. Don’t even think in that direction - not further into a relationship but further into some nasty sadomasochist sex ish!  He told me that last week was the first time they were getting it in and she kept requesting for dude to “SLAP” her back-side. And after slapping all the mafuta out of her her hagaz he tells me, “You see how our sex life is going, I feel like there’s still room for improvement – so, what’s the best way to introduce her to anal?”

WHAT THE HELL?! Now there’s a good chance his question will go unanswered because I don’t even know what the hell to say about that entire situation; Seriously, how the HELL can you go Chris Brown on a girl’s back-side the FIRST time you have sex, and then ati you are feeling shy about discussing anal sex with her?

This poses the swali; As a woman, is it better for you to hold back some of your freakiness the first time you have sex with a dude?

This is a GREAT question and up until that night cap I would have said, ‘no Way.’ Like many other guys I was of the opinion that every woman should unleash the Video Vixen in her from day one. But now I have completely changed my tune in light of this recent revelation – Yes ladies, please, you should hold back some of your freakiness the first time.

Because not ALL men are familiar and comfortable with all manner of freaky ventures in the sheets, this is an act that should be explored when trust and comfort have settled into that couple’s physical relationship. Anything that goes to the nasty corridors of Bondage, asphyxiation, toys, hand cuffs and other people are all sexual aspects that need to be properly explored first in conversation before being presented in copulation. He MAY warm up to your level of freakiness, just don’t explore the extremes until you are BOTH equally ready. And do not make him feel any less if he does not appreciate your idea of a good time in bed. Plus, I can guarantee you one thing:

The journey to exploring how freaky you both are is a lot better than just putting everything out on the table from day one.

The question that begs for many women today is what to do when you need your man to change some of his behavior and he does not change. Ladies, you all have friends who are dating this douche of a man but yet and still, they poke and prod, and knead, and allow behaviour that is beneath their standards all for the sake of having and keeping a man. They stick around even when he comes in at 4 a.m. with liquour in his breath and traces of lipstick on his neck. The reasons why they stick around aren’t always so simple to explain and even more difficult to comprehend.

It blows my mind how many women can in one breath condemn their close friends to hell and declare the friendship over due to the tiniest issues when in the next breath they are declaring their undying love for men who have very little invested in them. You’ve taken ‘ride or die chick’ so seriously that you are literally dying for the love of some men who couldn’t care less.

First off, where you as women get it wrong is thinking that you can ever actively change a man. Men don’t change because you want them to. They change because they’ve had that light bulb moment and they have personally decided that they want to do better. Changing him just isn’t possible if he doesn’t already see the light and want to change for the better.

And then, too many times you think he needs to change “for the better” when he’s actually fine the way he is. Have you ever thought about it that way? Maybe he likes what he sees in the mirror every morning. Ever considered that he just needs someone who is compatible with his ways? And that just so happens to NOT be you at this moment.

So ladies, stop trying to force the issue. Stop trying to change a man who is not invested in the change himself. Stop stressing yourself over a man who does not want to make amendments to his life. Ladies….stop the project!