Dating is mad hard! Getting a decent guy in Nairobi is about as easy as finding torrential rainfall in Ukambani. And it is not just the good marriage ready guys that are so hard to find. Just ask the guys…getting a woman who does not require a copy of your 6 month bank statement on your first date, is about as easy as finding light skinned girls in Juba!

So when you have a best pal who fits the bill then why do you need to search in the valleys and mountains for a soulmate? It’s like being diabetic and having an insulin-filled syringe 1m away from your reach. It’s like having a “don’t eat” sign on a hamburger when you are starving. To hell with that sign and to hell with just being friends. If you have a pal that you want to be more than just friends with, you are going to weka them box and he/she will be all yours. And this is how you will do it:

If your bestie is a chic you need to:

1.     Remove yourself from her life

If you want your female friend to want you as something more than a shoulder to cry on, then make yourself unavailable. Stop calling and meeting her or even sending her mails and text messages. If she gives you a call, asking you to get in touch, wait for a couple of days before calling her back. Let this go on for around a month or more if she is an especially close friend. However, don’t make her feel that you are staying away because you are mad at her. When you do speak to her, be brief but pleasant. The whole point here is to confuse her into wondering what is going on with your life and this confusion will make her spend more time thinking about you.

2.     Pay attention to your looks

Use the time away from your female friend into acquiring a new and attractive look. Pay more attention to your wardrobe and appearance. Once you slip in the role of a friend it is easy to get casual about your looks so that you may be comfortable in your sweats before her or think nothing about hugging her even if you haven’t showered in a couple of days. But if you want your friend to be attracted to you as more than just a friend, it is imperative that you take care of your personal hygiene since you’ll impress her more by looking and smelling good. When she finally meets you after some time ‘off-air’, it is crucial that there is a very marked improvement in your appearance if you want her to think of you in a non-friendly way.

3.     Enhance your personality

Along with improving your personal style, it is also necessary to enhance your personality if you want to impress your female friend. Learn a new language, join a dance class or pursue an interest which you always wanted but never had time for. Expanding your range of activities will make her aware that you have other interesting aspects to your personality. She does not want the same old you that she knows inside out. Remember, this is the guy that fell in the friend category. You will need to tweak yourself to get out of it.

4.             4. Hang out with hott women

One of the most ridiculous behaviours of women is their jealousy over a guy when they see him with an attractive woman. The woman that wanted absolutely nothing to do with you will become rude and bitchy when she sees you with a hot chic, so use this knowledge to your advantage. Plan a date with a hot chick and tell her that you will be out with a friend on that night. Invite her to tag along for some free drinks. If you play your cards right, you could make both women insanely jealous and get closer to both of them.

If your bestie is a guy you need to:

         1. Become friends with his friends

First of all, you need to be absolutely sure that you want to go there with this guy, so get all the info you can about him first. Work on knowing his friends. Hang out with him when his friends are around and see whether or not you fully like their company. While this may seem an obvious step, few things offer more insight into his personality than the people he chooses to spend time when he’s not with you.

         2. Speak and shut up.

If you have something interesting to say, by all means don't stop. If not, it's better to shut up. A quiet you who gives the guy her full attention and very close eye contact is so seductive you have no idea...

         3. Flirt with him

Flirting is the best way to gauge his interest. To see if he’s open to the possibility of romance, find ways to touch him in conversation and make him feel important. The trick is to make the physical interactions quick and casual. We’re not talking about long, meaningful embraces. (That will come later.) Right now, it’s all about your hand brushing against his, or a quick hug to say hello. He shouldn’t be able to tell if you’re flirting with him or just being friendly. That way if he construes your touching to be more than friendly, it’s probably because that is exactly what he is hoping for.

         4. Get your sexy on

Dress to impress. This is the time to get rid of those buggy sweats and sneakers. You do not have to be the full vixen but get a more feminine feel to you so that he sees the other side of you. Guys are very visual and the sight of you in buggy pants and t-shirts will not make him sit up and think of you as a romantic interest. Add some sexy heels to your ensemble, now is the time to get all those curve hugging short skirts out. Get your hair did and add a touch of make-up. Trust me, that is exactly the picture that will linger in his mind for a long, long time…And may actually get him to start putting the moves on you.

Nearly everyone has had a close friend who’s fantastic, funny and always there when we needed a sympathetic ear... You know what I’m leading to here. What if you were dating them instead of that pile of rubbish you call your boyfriend that was the cause of you crying in your friend’s arms in the first place?

Maybe you have already decided that you need not look for milk and honey far away when you have everything you could possibly need right in front of you. Only one problem, how do you tell if he feels the same way too? I mean you are friends first and you don’t want to risk losing him altogether.

Well, there are a couple of things you need to look out for. Let me just say though, guys are very different from girls. There is nothing subtle about a guy who likes you. There are no hidden clues and hints, very often guys tend to be very obvious about a girl they like if you really look closely. But nevertheless, here are a few pointers:

He Calls or Texts you bila Prompting

If you want to know that a man is interested in you, stop calling or texting him first. You aren't going to know if he's really interested in you if you're always making the first contact. Your male friend is likely to respond to you if you call or text him, otherwise he is not much of a friend is he? But you don’t just want a friend do you? Well, then it’s time you get a little more dramatic with your interaction with him.

Someone interested in more than friendship will contact you first if you give him a chance, especially a guy as they grow up knowing that they often have to make the first move. I mean you have your dignity as a lady to uphold, so let him make a fool of himself first before you two kids get foolish together.

Too often, women "jump the gun" and make contact with a male interest first. This doesn't give her a chance to see if he is really interested or just going along for the ride. Let him make first contact; if he doesn't, then at least you know that he's not that into you.

His Body Language

Check out a man's body language if you want a sign that he might want more than friendship. A man who wants only friendship is unlikely to touch you often outside of a friendly "pal-like" pat on the back. If he's interested in more than friendship, he is likely to give you good eye contact, he may touch you on the arm or shoulder often and he will tend to lean toward you when you are talking.

Try this experiment: If you're standing and talking and he leans forward, lean back a bit, or even take a small step back. Often, if he's interested in you, he'll take a step forward to keep the same intimacy. If he does, jua uko ndani kama mwizi.

He Reaches for his wallet

This may seem a little old fashioned to you, but "just friends" tend to take turns to pay for meals or go dutch for whatever activities they do together. A man who is interested in being more than just your friend might automatically reach for his wallet. Or he might help you fix something in your digz that's broken, or hold doors for you or just take a more than just friendly interest in what goes on in your life. Think about your relationships with "just friends." If he's acting like a date, it is likely that he's feeling more like a date. Let him lead, and see where it goes.

He Talks About you even when you are not around

Friends are going to talk about you when they're with other friends, but if his wider group of friends and family members know about you, it's likely that he's feeling more for you than friendship. If you're with a man who showers you with affection and attention but nobody in his life knows you exist, he's not likely to be all that interested in you. If he's introducing you to his friends and family members and talking about you with them while he's with them, he is likely interested in more than just friendship. Also, he's likely to be interested in getting to know your friends and pursue interests of yours he wasn't interested in before meeting you.

So there you go. Honestly I feel sorry for some “friends” out there who do not know what is about to hit them. Happy hunting ladies!